Do - you - speak - English ?

I live in the United States of America for over 12 years, I am married to an US citizen for over 11 and I live the american dream of house in the suburb, dog in the backyard and children playing in the pool the past 9 years, so I thought it is the time to become a "real" american citizen.

I payed $680 (I guess, that is the amount the UCIS considers is the right price tag to become a citizen), filled my application out and waited.Fast forward 7 months later - I got my citizenship interview for Friday the 13th! Good or bad omen? There was nothing I could do, just dutiful studying the 100 questions in the thin booklet they send me after I reached in my application.

The day came and nervous and prepared with tax statements, birth certificates (Tom and mine), marriage certificate and several other considered important documents in my arms, Tom and I reached the local UCIS office.

From my previous visits at this office, I was prepared for a long waiting time. A room full of legal alliens from all over the world, but mainly Mexico and me in between them.But not this time.The room almost empty, just a couple waiting for a new work permission, the TV playing FOX news(why not CNN?) with a thick plastic screen in front of it( why the plastic sreen? I don't know).

After a for USCIS standard ,short waiting time, I was called and followed with Tom into the agents office.

I was sworn in, that I would only tell the truth and the test begun.

First: reading of an english text. I asumed , I would read a paragraph, maybe from the Declaration or the Constitution, but the written words were a bit more down to earth - "I live in America. Juan is coming from Mexico. America is my new home." -passed!

Second:writing. Again,I was prepared to write a novell, a poem, at least some prosa, but I ended up with:"I have three children." -passed

Third:10 questions regarding US history and politic , I have to have 6 right ( "a D!" Tom whispered in my ear) Some of the questions were:
* What is the name of the national anthym?
* Who is our current Vice President?
* What do we celebrate July 4th?
* What are the colour of our flag?

I can't remember the last 2 , but believe me, it was not very challenging either.

Fourth: 20 YES/NO questions, if I answer all of them with NO, I pass.I just had to hide, that I am a Communist, who is in a Faschist party and is on the side dealing with drugs and is a rampant alcoholic, when I am not in jail. Thanks to school acting classes , I passed this test also.

After this very nerve crumbling test, which maybe took 15 mins altogether, I got my recommendation to be sworn in at the next ceremony in April.

I am looking forward to this day and can't wait to be a real, full fletched US citizen.